Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize