I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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