I want to stick my p in your. b.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
