the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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