The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
