dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
