look no pants
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
