Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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