My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
