I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
