if i died would you start the facebook group?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
