I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
