In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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