the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
