So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
