Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
