oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize