U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
