At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
