my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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