You can't motorboat a personality
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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