WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
