Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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