I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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