happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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