I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you win again, gameday.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
