she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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