I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Girls should come with a carfax report
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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