So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
