Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
