how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
