Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
