I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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