Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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