he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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