Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
