He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
