the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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