awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
