dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
