you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize