Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
