dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
