is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
