Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
