just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
