very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
