He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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