So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
