I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
