I will die if light touches me.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
