it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
