He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
