She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
