I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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