"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
