census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
