what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
