yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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