So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
