This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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