we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
