I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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